I don't know why.......

on the outside, I seem tough as nails when I know i'm not
I give advice I don't follow
I accept all your lies
I make excuses for you
I'm so desparate for love - - - did i just type that
I can't make a decision
seem to like you only cause you like me
let you walk all over me, when I know you are no good
hold my tongue, when I should be cussin you out
I didn't apply for that job
I'm writing this post for all to see
I procrastinate
I don't wanna change my eating habits, but keep paying for bootcamp
I haven't refinanced yet
I won't move on
you ask how I'm doing now
you care
you treat ppl like shit and they kiss your ass
I can't love me more than _ .... .... ,,,,,,,,, sorry can't complete that sentence for all you to see
I won't grow up
I can't put the pieces back together
a preschooler looked so attractive to you
you didn't know your actions then would have a ever lasting affect
I married you despite it all
I even answer your calls
pretend like I believe anything you say
you thought the grass was greener
I can't watch anything on tv live
I still haven't watched "A raisin in a sun" when its been on my DVR since 2/25/08
I believed ya when you said you loved me
I still can't sleep at night
I find it harder and harder to get up in the morning for work
I have a headache almost daily
I didn't call Grandma the day before she passed
she had to go, when she did before I could see her again
sleeping in my mom's bed still makes me feel safe
I can't remember my great aunt's face
I stayed up all night watching Run's house
I can't say: Fuck you, fuck off, you lying ass. Loose my number!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't changed my template since starting this blog
I can't download winrar on my new laptop
they moved the delete button on new computers
I wanna embrace my grace
I'm so recklace
I had these totally random thoughts