I don't know why.......

on the outside, I seem tough as nails when I know i'm not
I give advice I don't follow
I accept all your lies
I make excuses for you
I'm so desparate for love - - - did i just type that
I can't make a decision
seem to like you only cause you like me
let you walk all over me, when I know you are no good
hold my tongue, when I should be cussin you out
I didn't apply for that job
I'm writing this post for all to see
I procrastinate
I don't wanna change my eating habits, but keep paying for bootcamp
I haven't refinanced yet
I won't move on
you ask how I'm doing now
you care
you treat ppl like shit and they kiss your ass
I can't love me more than _ .... .... ,,,,,,,,, sorry can't complete that sentence for all you to see
I won't grow up
I can't put the pieces back together
a preschooler looked so attractive to you
you didn't know your actions then would have a ever lasting affect
I married you despite it all
I even answer your calls
pretend like I believe anything you say
you thought the grass was greener
I can't watch anything on tv live
I still haven't watched "A raisin in a sun" when its been on my DVR since 2/25/08
I believed ya when you said you loved me
I still can't sleep at night
I find it harder and harder to get up in the morning for work
I have a headache almost daily
I didn't call Grandma the day before she passed
she had to go, when she did before I could see her again
sleeping in my mom's bed still makes me feel safe
I can't remember my great aunt's face
I stayed up all night watching Run's house
I can't say: Fuck you, fuck off, you lying ass. Loose my number!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't changed my template since starting this blog
I can't download winrar on my new laptop
they moved the delete button on new computers
I wanna embrace my grace
I'm so recklace
I had these totally random thoughts

I'm certainly not

ignoring yall. I do see your comments. Its just that 99.9% of the time I'm bloggin from my phone and for what eva odd reason I can't comment. I certainly read them though. And thank all for stopping by, offering advise, or laugh with me. I finally purchased a laptop, so i;ll be updating more often. Really sucks that the j-o-b shut down damn near EVERYTHING thats not work related. Glad I weened myself off my internet addiction before they toughened the internet rules, or I'd be dying.

The 4th...was relaxing. Mostly chilled with ma, met up with some old highschool friends, almost went on a date. lol. yeah almost, dude who sold me the computer was tryna holla. Unfortunatly our schedules didn't agree with one another. See eb, like you said when I aint looking. lol. So i got a new laptop, then my ipod dies....on the same day. I guess thats what I get for using the display speakers, never again. I gotta decide what I'ma do. the frugal girl, says just use the basically new old ass 40 gig you have (the black and white, right before the video version). The gotta keep up with the jones girl in me says, buy a new one. The 16% discount they offering (10 for turning in the old one and 6 for the govt discount) appeals to my frugal side. But I'm sure I could find better things to do with the $220 for a new 80 gig (an upgrade from the 60 gig that fried). What to do what to do. What delima.

Not sure what the heck I'ma be doing at work tomorrow. I turned in my laptop at COB today, because Im getting a new one on Thursday...A computer refresh they call it. They apparently require a whole day to transfer the data between the old and the new computer. I have a mind to just stay my black arse home.

OH well. I'll talk to yall later.

Think ima be alone foreva.